My relationship with recipe binders

I had two giant binders of recipes, an accordian file of more, and five cookbooks. Not to mention a Pinterest collection that has a board for every type of food or meal.

I love to cook and I love trying new recipes, though throughout the years I have had my fair share of cooking disasters, but for the most part, the kitchen is a fun place for me to cook and bake up yummy creations for my family and friends. As such, any time I saw a new recipe I would email it to myself or print it out and add it to the binder, which of course was very carefully organized by type of food or meal. After making a dish I would make comments on the print out ( “use half the amount of butter” or “made for staff picnic 2009″) so that I wouldn’t duplicate a bad recipe or make the same mistakes.

Seems like a good system, right? If I used it, it would be. In the past six months or so, I barely used the recipe binders. As I started pinning more, I would print out less things, though in my mind I thought that if I came across a winner of a recipe then I would print it out as a keeper. Then my organizational brain thought how silly that would be since so many recipes in the binder I have never even made. When I began living alone, I also began the very.bad.habit. of not cooking all that much and making the same easy meals. I ventured outside of this box with slow cooker recipes during the winter, but all of these came from online. The recipe binders sat on the bottom shelf of the microwave stand and made me feel guilty.

Yep, an inanimate object made me feel badly. It wasn’t just the guilt over all the paper I wasted ( though in my defense, some of it was on used work printer paper that I turned over to print on- very ecofriendly). The recipes just sort of sat there as a reminder of all that I wasn’t. They said ” hey, you’re being lazy by having dinner at your parents house for the third time this week instead of using your great kitchen.” They said “hey, making potstickers or pierogies every night and eating them out of the pot isn’t exactly cuisine.” (Perhaps the bigger issue here is that I am giving voice to a binder full of paper haha). Essentially they reminded me that I had compiled these great ideas for dishes to make when I was married, to serve during the dinner parties and gatherings I was going to host in my house and bring to the houses of my best girlfriend. And that is the truth- there were dishes in there that were ripped out of magazines or taken from blogs because they were favorites of my exhusband or because I hoped to bring them to a party and wow everyone with my superior culinary skills.

And at the same time, as much as the recipe binder sat and mocked me every time I saw them on the shelf, I pained me to be able to go through them and get rid of recipes or even to think about getting rid of recipes. I was somehow attached to these random pieces of paper with bean dip and tiramisu ingredients on them. Some of them almost were like souvenirs or markers of my life- there were photocopied recipes from the newspaper of the city where my first out of grad school museum job was, recipes that my ex husband’s mother had given me right before I got married, and others that a dear college friend who I haven’t spoken to in years gave me. Getting rid of them wasn’t just about decluttering and downsizing to a manageable level.  A lot of those recipes were accumulated during happy and bad times, with hopes that cooking would make things better, celebrate a happy time, or commemorate an event. To just throw them out felt almost like I was throwing out my old diary.  But seeing them there just made me feel so much like a failure. I know that it’s silly to give so much value to such an innane object, but I have learned in the past year or so, that sometimes emotional attachment  and strife comes from the most random things ( ask me sometimes about the glass mugs I own).

After going back and forth about these recipe binders several times, about a week or so ago I got the cleaning bug and started going through so many things in the house. In the kitchen I have a basket on the counter where I throw random mail to follow up on, coupons, recipes, and other ephemera to go through once a week, usually on a weeknight when I am eating my dinner standing up at the counter ( really really bad habit). As I went through the basket, there were many recipes ripped out of magazines that I was sorting, including one for a chunky tomato soup with shrimp. Now I love me some shrimp, but soup is another thing. I am incredibly picky about soup. I am incredibly picky about texture really. And I’m not the biggest fan of tomato soup either. But for some reason, I cut out the recipe. And for whatever reason that particular Tuesday night, I decided that it was RIDICULOUS to hold on to things that I had slim to no chance of ever making. And that one recipe for shrimp tomato soup started me off with the rest of them. I tore through the binders, eliminating items I know I would never make, had random ingredients I know I would never buy, and so on. I recycled A LOT of paper. There are still two binders, but I think once I get the organization itch again I can consolidate them into one. One binder of items I want to make and will actually get done. Since the great recipe purge of 2012, I’ve made two from the binders already.

It also made me realize that I could purge them because I’m designing my own life, doing what makes me happy. It doesn’t matter that I no longer am married and have no one to cook for everyday- I have my family to cook for every weekend for our Sunday dinners, friends to invite over, coworkers, and more. My life is right now as it needs to be and I am happy in that– it is vastly different than I imagined 29 would look like, but the guilt doesn’t belong here anymore because everything I have right now was my choice- and that tastes amazing.

I need a job where I can read blogs and books all day

Because I LOVE those two things.

One of my goals for 2012 was to read fifty new books this year. I’m dreadfully behind but I have faith the numbers will pick up quickly in the summer when I spend most of my time lounging in the sun and warm shade with books. This week as I caught up on magazine reading, I added more titles to my book list than I can count– my Amazon wishlist is currently at 632 books ( though to be fair, a good many of them are work related items). I’m currently reading four: a Suze Orman money book; Potatoes Not Prozac about sugar addiction; Billionaire’s Vinegar about the most expensive bottle of wine ever sold at auction; and Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand, a lovely fiction read that has been on my bookcase since I loaded up on books when Borders went out of business. I’ve got a few memoirs and The Happiness Project on tap next I think, plus I’m intrigued by The Book of Doing, which I have now read reviews for in four different magazines and on NPR ( maybe the universe is trying to tell me something about getting my act in gear!?!?!)

In addition to refocusing on my enjoyment of writing about life, one of the reasons I started this blog was because I was continually so inspired and comforted by other bloggers I follow around the interwebs ( 105 on my Google Reader  in fact, not to mention all the others I happen upon from Twitter and links in other blogs). The whole world of personal/blogging I find to be really fascinating and fun. My mornings are always fueled by coffee or tea with blog reading and I’m going to make an effort to start sharing some of the awesomeness I find.

This week, the fantastic Amy unveiled a really awesome new blog design and I loved this post about falling in love with reading and book characters. I can totally relate to this!

I so needed to read this post about creativity. Have been thinking A LOT about how to have a better creative outlet in life.

This post about reframing how to think about exercise also came at the right time for me.

And lastly, this week I made a new and AMAZING pasta dish that I cut out of Cooking Light magazine. Bacon and Broccoli Mac & Cheese was out of this world, though I had the leftovers for lunch today and while the taste was still great, the consistency wasn’t amazing. But I highly recommend the recipe because it really was super easy

Inspiration in Minnesota

The first week of May I was in Minneapolis for the American Association of Museum annual conference. The conference was invigorating and inspiring in many ways, not just in regards to my museum day job.

The sessions on various topics relating to museums are always fascinating, but something about this conference  was different. Maybe I’m becoming a seasoned veteran at these things, knowing which sessions to pick better each time. Maybe I’ve just gotten a better sense of what I find interesting about my work and what I want to learn more about. Whatever it might be, I was more engaged and energized this year.

More than just learning about how to do my job better, it really gave me so many insights into my career and why I chose to the work I do. I was reminded time and time again about how important stories are in telling history, making the past come alive, and allowing community to connect with their own personal histories and share them with the world. An exhibit at the Minnesota History Center called “Open House” was absolutely engaging in telling the stories of the lives of families who lived in one house in St. Paul through the years. It was amazing to see how even the smallest things like telling a story of a birthday party in a backyard can be made engaging to a museum visitor.

My big grad school project was so similar to this- I worked with a local historical society on an exhibit that  told the story of the Portuguese community in the town. It was such a wonderful project to help them bring together their stories, artifacts, and really be proud of their past. That’s the kind of work that I find compelling and amazing. It is so great as history person to help another person connect with their ancestral past or memories and have those things be put in a place of honor in a museum or book. There was nothing more fulfilling or meaningful then allowing someone the opportunity to be proud of their family, their heritage in a public setting. I talk so much of wanting to connect and engage visitors and after four years of working in my current job, I often forget about how to do that when presenting an exhibit or writing an interpretative label. The conference reminded me of why I got started in this field to begin with and has really pushed me to think about how I can be doing more of this enlightening work more in my current job and whatever comes next in my career.

Finding my groove

It’s been way too long, posts have gone undone, photos sit waiting to be uploaded and organized on the blog. It’s been a stress filled and bit hectic last month or two- life, work, house, family, travel- all just a little too much going on in my brain at the moment. Of course, at these crazed moments is when I should take to writing, but I’ve been neglectful.

I’m in a huge state of transistion at the moment and things are slowly improving, but there is no end in sight to the paperwork and various phone calls, copies, etc. that will need to be made to get everything settled with house, reclaiming old name, and more. I’m working on the mantra ” one thing at a time.” Often it is the only thing that keeps me from a crying mess ( which happens when I get anxious, will probably write about that at some time).

I’m trying to be kind to myself and not beat myself up for my blog and life lazy-ness. Things have gone undone around the house just as much as on the blog. But I’m getting back to some sense of a new normal. I’m thinking about writing and the blog a lot, of course it is always in the car or during a meeting when I get inspired to jot things down, but by the time I return to my desk or get the chance to write, the ideas have gone AWOL.

So please bear with me as I work through life and get back to non freakout Kristen

Macy’s Heart of Haiti

Even though Mother’s Day is a few weeks away, I’m working with Clever Girls in support of Macy’s Heart of Haiti to shine a light on the “trade, not aid” program, which provides sustainable income to Haitian artisans struggling to rebuild their lives and support their families after the 2010 earthquake.

What is Macy’s Heart of Haiti? Heart of Haiti is a “Trade, Not Aid” initiative launched by artist and social entrepreneur, Willa Shalit, The Clinton Bush Haiti Fund and Macy’s. Already, Heart of Haiti has led to employment of 750 artists in Haiti, providing financial benefits for an estimated 8,500 people in the country.

Each item is a one-of-a-kind design and handmade by a Haitian master artisan from raw materials such as recycled oil drums, wrought iron, papier-mâché and stone. The collection features more than 40 home decor items including quilts, metalwork, ceramics, jewelry and paintings and is made almost entirely from recycled and sustainable items such as old cement bags, cardboard, oil drums and local gommier wood.

Heart of Haiti products are available online at Macy’s.com.

I am incredibly blessed to come from a family of strong women- this includes not just my grandmother, mom, and aunts, but also a handful of close family friends who are closer to me than other blood relatives. I am so happy to say that all of my family have helped and supported me with any endeavor I have taken on, but having the example of strong women in my life has allowed me to dream big and have amazing role models that led by example. ( Don’t kill me for putting a photo up ladies!)

My mom

My mother, Patricia,  is truly my best friend ( and my dad too!) and there is not a day that goes by in my life that I realize how blessed  I am for both of my parents. My mother has been the voice of reason, support, concern, and so much more for all of my years. In the past months as I have struggled through my separation and drawn out divorce, she has provided more than her fair share of hugs as I cried and raged with anger. It is safe to say that without my mom, I would be lost.

My grandmother

My grandmother Dolores,Aunt Cindy ( who is also my godmother) and mother have been incredible role models to me in my life- they (and my dad) always stressed the value of education to my brother and me throughout our lives, but also lead by example. My grandmother left school before she was sixteen to work in a sewing shop, but worked hard and learned quickly in her various jobs throughout her life that she rose to the ranks of retail store manager, all without a high school diploma. She and my grandfather worked hard and made sure that her daughter and son went to private Catholic school and college afterwards. My aunt returned to school during the early part of her career to gain her MBA, taking classes at night and on the weekends to achieve her goal. My mother, left nursing school before receiving her degree so that she could raise her two children. She finally returned years later, taking classes one at a time, fitting them into her children’s schedule of softball games and choir practice. It took her years, but she achieved her goal. She graduated with her Bachelor’s degree in nursing a year before I earned my own.
My aunt Cindy

I have worked hard in my education and career to get where I am today and know that the strong example set by the various females of my family have allowed me to dream big and push for what I want in life. As I think about re-starting my life post-divorce and having a family of my own someday, I think often of the bond that my whole family shares, not just the women. While the thought of motherhood scares me at times, I know I will be a great mom and role model someday because of the amazing example Dolores, Cindy, and Pat provide to me every single day.

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Thank you to Macy’s Heart of Haiti for sponsoring my participation in this “Share Your Heart” promotion. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.

History and Girls

I’m currently reading The Wilder Life: My Adventures in the Lost World of Little House on the Prairie by Wendy McClure. I’m only a bit into the book so I’ll save my review for another time, but so far I’m loving it- her wit, the various scenarios she writes about in her quest to understand and learn more about Laura Ingalls Wilder and the books she loved as a child.

I will admit that while I read Little House on the Prairie, I did not read all of the other Wilder books in the series, though I do remember owning them. I just recently read the section of the book where McClure discusses the American Girl dolls, books, and franchise– now that is something I can relate to even more.

I loved all the American Girl books and like to think that between those stories and a few Disney history movies like Johnny Tremain is where my love of history began. The American Girl historical characters and their books are well read and well- researched definitely would be a dream to work there.

Of course the franchise of the books, dolls, and more has grown since my time as a girl with them, but I still hold a fondness for them. I went to the website for the company to see the additional girls they’ve added to their lineup and I was sad to see that the doll that I had– Kirsten ( chosen because of similarity in name) has been retired. My friend (practically like  a sister) Jessica had Samantha I think, also retired. I know I have Kirsten somewhere at my parents’ house, hopefully well-preserved in a closet or plastic bin in the basement.

While the franchise has become huge and has commercial endeavors with department stores filled with products for the dolls, I definitely loved the books as a girl and would get them for any young girls in my life ( Jessica just had her first child, a beautiful girl named Lyla, who I am sure will benefit from Aunty Kristen’s love of history and books with some American Girl in her future). The books for me were pure magic- they fed a curiosity about history and ignited it even more. I had a love of reading long before I discovered these books, but knowing that they blended fiction and history together was an awesome discovery for me- I’ve loved historical fiction ever since.

Review on The Wilder Life to come, but from what I’ve read so far it’s definitely going to be a thumbs up!

On Stress and Nurturing

Real life has been intensely stressful in the past few weeks and when things get overwhelming for me, I hunker down on the couch with movies and books and ice cream ( which is better than drinking wine alone, right?) Work has been intensely frustrating as we get ready to open for the new season with a new exhibit, where everything that could have gone wrong, did. Added to that money and house woes and I pretty much checked out to the island of Kristen where boxes of cookies consumed in pajamas at 530pm is the name of the game.

Doing that- eating a lot of junk, not cooking, not exercising, not being very social- leads to even more stress and frustration because I know I am being bad to myself by doing those things. After an emotional day Tuesday that included some not great news, I took some time out of work to read various bits in the blogroll. And so happy I did– reading these two blogs– Tara Whitney’s post about stress and nurturing and Amy’s Just a Titch post about being happy– gave me a bit of a wakeup call about being kind to myself.

So Tuesday night, even though I felt like a boxer in the 12th round who has wobbly knees and is losing badly but won’t give up, I fought against the urge to put the pajamas on right as I walked in the door and decided instead to put my sneakers on and go for a walk. I don’t know why I haven’t been doing this all along. The minute I started walking, I could feel the stress melt away. I came back feeling clear and energized. I did a few things on the to-do list that I had been procrastinating about. Last night, even though I was exhausted on my drive home from work, I forced myself to walk again. I came home and spent the night cooking ( the other thing I had been neglecting the past few weeks) and reading in my sunroom ( which has new furniture! House update coming this weekend). Being gentle with myself and not eating my feelings in ice cream, cookie dough, and cake made me feel so much better about the situation.

Reading those blogs and knowing how I have been denying myself these past few weeks by being a lazy lump on the log makes me realize I need to be doing a better job at handling stress in my life. I’m in one of the most stressful times ever in my life- getting divorced and trying to handle the house on my own- rivalled, ironically, by the stress of buying a house and planning a wedding. There are still a lot of big hurdles to get over and after those are done, there will inevitably be more because life doesn’t stop or get easy at some point. I just am learning how to deal with it better.

23 Musings

Scintilla Day 9: Write a list of 23. (23 things to do, 23 people you owe apologies to, 23 books you’ve lied about reading, 23 things you can see from where you’re sitting, 23 ten-word hooks for stories you want to tell….)

Monday mornings are a breeding ground for thoughts running through my mind- they run from the mundane to the more thoughtful.

1. I love Pinterest for ideas and creativity, but my boards are really mocking me. I’ve cooked a few things here and there, incorporated some ideas for the house, etc. but mainly its a lust board, though I like to think it is the visual representation of the random things I think about or go through my brain.

2. Don’t forget to run to the eye doctor’s office on the way home tonight to get new glasses tightened.

3. Make meals for friends with new baby ( born Friday!) and deliver ASAP

4. Buy paint for bedroom to finally get it done this weekend

5. I really want to go to New Orleans in the fall

6. Between Pinterest and the random things I pull out of magazines, I really need to get busy. I say that  a lot too. I actually thought to myself this weekend as I flipped wildly through two binders full of recipes that maybe I should just throw them out and start fresh. But all that time and effort compiling!

7. I’m not a hoarder and love nothing more than purging, but thinking about those binders of recipes makes me think I have some cooking/baking recipe addiction.

8. Speaking of cooking, I made a meal plan for the week and have all the supplies. After finding a rotten onion in the drawer on Friday night, I definitely need to get going on making things because I hate nothing more than wasting food.

9. In the name of wasting food, I have a container of veggie and rice soup and two containers of tortellini chicken soup in the freezer that I am contemplating throwing out. The veggie soup I might be able to save– I used too much rice when I made it and not enough stock ( this should be easily to solve, yes?) But the tortellini chicken soup never tasted quite right when I made it– though I guess I could thaw out and try to add spices to it. I really really hate throwing out food.

10. I’m super pumped to have a garden this summer but not so pumped for the hard work ahead in prepping an area in the backyard and doing spring clean up.

11. After spending the weekend with the most amazing dog ( and her owner), I am convinced that having an animal around makes me a much more lowkey gal.

12. I spent yesterday (Sunday) watching movies and reading magazines with coffee. It ruled.

13. I’m way behind on my reading 50 books for 2012. I’m in the middle of East of Eden by Steinbeck- a book I’ve started and stopped before. I want to love it because amazing dog owner man loves it and recommended it. I’m going to stick with it. I feel pretty confident that I can still stick to the 50 new books this year, especially in the summer I usually read a book or two every few days since TV is not fantastic.

14. I don’t miss cable TV really, but last night I missed the season 5 premiere of Mad Men because I didn’t have cable and was not in the mood to hang out late on a Sunday night at my parents’ house to watch it. That and I miss PBS. I’m hoping when I rearrange my living room furniture and move the TV closer to a window that I might get some better service on my digital antenna to get the local PBS station, but I’m not crossing my fingers.

15. I think about how to move the living room furniture around more times than not. I probably could have had ten different configurations by now if I just became a person of action and got it done. It’s so tough though- I want to be able to look at fireplace and watch TV, but the door to the house comes right smack in the middle of the living room. And there’s nowhere to put my jacket unless it’s on a chair.

16. I also keep saying in my head that ‘when I have time,’ I will start doing something about being disciplined with writing or being more creative. I should just go spend the next free afternoon painting pottery or writing by the ocean instead of watching movies.

17. The problem is I love movies. Even bad ones I can usually find something positive about like the cinematography, costumes, or even how great the lead actress’ hair looked. I enjoy films a lot and since I don’t have cable, I really enjoy knocking them off my Netflix list quickly.

18. I’m going to watch Dancing with the Stars at my parents’ house tonight and I’m pretty pumped about it.

19. How is Sunday April 1st!?!?!

20. That means my new show at work opens soon. And installation is not going well. Half of my worst museum exhibit nightmare is coming true with panels not staying on the walls. The other half is objects falling off the walls. My boss told me he had a nightmare over the weekend that the main staircase in the museum fell. Clearly he and I are a tad stressed about work. Real vacation probably not coming until the fall though.

21. I have a really great list of posts to get up here- and photos to take of progress at the house. And a huge list of food to make this week and things to get going on. Sigh, it will happen one of these days.

22. The good friend who had the baby on Friday is like a sister to me- we grew up together and her parents are like my second parents. I cannot believe that we are old enough to have kids. Also, her little girl, Lyla, is super cute and has a full head of hair and the longest eyelashes ever. Can’t wait to meet her this week. Also, if I decide to go the baby route, I want a baby with long eyelashes- makes my heart swoon.

23. My new dream job is to sit in the sun and read and write all day. Or sit on a gray day doing the same. Really I just want to write, read, and write some more.

Love for my tribe!

Scintilla continues- I’m so happy to be a part of this storytelling community- reading the various posts has been very inspiring & I’ve found some great new blogs to add to my reader. I’m trying hard to get these posts up and write from the heart. It’s been tough since I’m in the middle of the busiest time of year for my job but taking some time to write has helped ease the usual stress of pre-opening.

Day 7 Prompt: List the tribes you belong to: cultural, personal, literary, you get the drift. Talk about the experience of being in your element with your tribes.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about community, friendships, acquaintances lately so this prompt is incredibly timely. Mostly I’ve been thinking about my time and how I value what I do with it. Over the past few months I’ve really tried to examine who and what is most important to me in my life, as well as to prioritize what I want to be doing with my time. Because I’m trying to create my most joyous life everyday, I’ve stopped doing a lot of the busy work activities around the house, running errands, reading subpar books, etc. As my blog galpal Kat ( whose blog you should check out here), told me– “Life is too short for bad meals or bad books.” So true.

The other reason I’ve been thinking a lot about my community and various tribes is in how much wider my social network- both in person and online- has grown in such a short period of time. A year ago I wasn’t on Twitter, barely commented on blogs let alone had one, and counted friends as people who I saw in person on a regular basis. I now know that my friendship/acquaintance/people who rock network is huge and has no geographic bounds.  Becoming an active member of the social network/blogger realm has been one of the best things I’ve done for myself, ever.

Prior to becoming an activer online network person, the traditionalist in me fought against the online friend connecting. I thought in person friendships were only were it was at. As my in person friendships changed and I examined the people I had in my life, I quickly came to understand that there were people who I had never physically met but knew very well from online who knew me better than the in-person friend for years. Yes, physical contact with people is important for the mind and soul too- the connections I’ve made with people online have helped to improve my friendships in real life too. The divorce helped me to see who my real support network is- as well as helped me to identify the people in my life who could not be there for me in my hour of need.

Looking back at how resistant I was to online friendships, I have a hard time understanding my reasoning for being so against them, especially since as a child I had several great friends who were actually pen pals- the old fashioned version of an online friendship. With the exception of two or three girls who I met when visiting my aunt over summers in Utah, I never met any of these gals.

The online tribes of Twitter, Stratejoy, the blog world, even Facebook have become so important to me because it allows me to really push myself, hold myself accountable, and find a common ground with people from all over. It makes me realize the beauty of humanity, the kindness of individuals, and how much we all want some level of connection and understanding. Those qualities enrich my life everyday- and make me hold so much more dear my close to home tribe.

30×30

When I blogged over at Stratejoy, I wrote about my 30×30 list– thirty things I wanted to do before I turned 30 in 2013. Since my 29th just passed, I’m adding the list to the blog and updating the progress, with one year to go:

1. Go to the opera

2. Visit Holland, see the tulips, cheese market, & Anne Frank House: This is my 30th birthday present! My mother (who is Dutch) and I are going in April or May 2013 to do this- she has not been back to the Netherlands since she was a teenager & I have wanted to go since I was a child.

3. Dog sledding

4. Hot air balloon ride (almost came to fruition this year but I procrastinated & then the Groupon deal was gone!)

5. Spa weekend with my girlfriends

6. Buy a piece of original artwork

7. Own my own home

8. Live alone (though not how I had originally planned or thought it would happen)

9. Professional cooking class Indian cooking class with my great friend Liz was my 29th birthday present to myself

10. Get rid of credit card debt

11. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity

12. Mow my own lawn

13. Have a garden & grow my own vegetables

14. Speak at a national conference (1st time accomplished in 2008, will be doing again in April 2012)

15. Go salsa dancing

16. Learn ballroom dancing

17. Compete in Scrabble competition

18. Cook major holiday meal for my family

19. Change a tire and/or oil

20. Do a Polar Bear Plunge

21. Run a 5K (I did one in August 2010 but I want to attack again!)

22. Do my family history/genealogy

23. Road trip across the United States

24. Adopt a rescue dog

25. Make something creative that people might be interested in purchasing

26. Take a painting class

27. Go to the Brimfield Antiques Fair

28.  Have my own blog

29. Volunteer at soup kitchen on Thanksgiving or Christmas

30. Digitize all of the family 8mms, videos, and photographs